If you look back at my high school pictures, you would probably think that I was a skinny girl back then. I look curvy and happy. But I never ever was happy with my size. My best friend from High School and I was talking about this the other day. We thought that we were fat, but we were such a cute size! Why couldn’t we appreciate ourselves?
My smallest size back then was a 9 - my largest was probably a 15. In four years time I yo-yo’ed back and forth. This up and down isn’t healthy for anyone, let alone a teenaged girl with a low self-esteem. I never could maintain what I had lost because I never felt that I was finished losing weight. I was never happy with myself.
This yo-yo cycle has continued into my adulthood. I will loose weight just to gain it back because I feel like I’m so far away from my goal that I just quit.
Today as I was looking in the mirror before I got dressed I thought to myself, “You know, you’re looking pretty good”. I could easily point out areas that needed work, and I would by no means like to show you just how “good” I look naked (not that you would want to see…) but I realized for the first time in a long time I am becoming happy with myself. And what’s more for the first time, ever, I love my curves. I love my shape. I love that I look like a WOMAN. (hear me roar!) I am by no means a Marilyn Monroe (36-24-35 or something like that) but I am happy with the body that God has given me.
With all that being said, and with the effort to not yo-yo anymore in mind, I have decided that my new goal is to be a size 12, no matter what I weigh. This is probably WW heresy, and I probably won’t make lifetime, but I don’t really give a flip. I don’t want anyone else to be able to tell me when to me content with my body, and as long as I continue to eat healthy foods and exercise I will be at a healthy size then. I would much rather love my curvy body than try to lose too much and not be able to keep it up. My dad and my Kelley both have had a hard time maintaining the weight they lost, but I think they look great now. They looked too skinny when they hit lifetime. :o)
So there it is. I hope ya’ll don’t think I’m chickening out, but this decision feels right for me.
As a totally TMI side note, I believe I have figured out why I’ve maintained for the past two weeks. The first week I was on TOM, and I have just started TOM again. Unfair!! But it makes sense that I wouldn’t lose during this crazy hormonal time. There seems to be a lot of us going through this. You know how they say that women who spend a lot time together sync up? I wonder if that works with cyber relationships too? lol
Have a great OP day! :o)