Thursday, September 27, 2007

I'm so dizzy my head is spinnin'...

We bought a new chair this weekend, and so we decided to turn our inside/outside cat into a mainly outside cat. But the cat is such a creature of habit that he doesn't understand that he doesn't come in every morning to eat. I put his food outside the door where he can eat with the other kitty. Well, this morning I was trying to get out the door, and the cat was trying to get in, and I did this quick spin to block him while scooting out and now I'm incredibly dizzy. Hee. DizzyDazey is dizzy. Go Figure. :o)

That's totally unrelated to anything, I'm sure. But it's really my main focus this morning, as you might imagine.

I haven't focused on the weight loss in my blogs lately, so I suppose I should update you. I'm currently at 185.6 - which is about 5 pounds down from coming back from vacay but almost 2 pounds up from before the wedding. I'm ready to get out of the 180's, but I keep sabotaging myself, so I guess when I really get serious and stop playing around with it I'll see the 170's. In the meantime I'm not freaking out over it. Especially not this week. I'm just trying to make healthy choices and go on with life.

I'm doing a pretty good job about loving myself. It's been a little difficult this week because my tum has seemed bigger (remember the girdle?) but I'm just gonna chalk that up to TOM. My pants feel a little tighter, but the scale's basically the same so I guess it could be in my head. Meanwhile it's totally taken the focus off of my batwings. *rolls eyes* I'm such a silly thing. I have, however, made an effort to look cute the past few days and I think that's made a big improvement in my self esteem. It gets really old dressing up everyday since I only see two people and they're like family. On the rare occasion that we have a face to face with a client they see me for about 5 seconds. All this gives me little incentive to do much more than the bare minimum in the mornings (totally not a morning person) but I have been lately just for me.

I'm walking with Mom tonight and then we're packing for our trip. The hub is going to clean the house while I'm out so hopefully I'll come home to a nice clean house. (He's cleaning by himself because I wanted to do it last night, and had only asked him to handle the kitchen, but he said if we could watch Robo-Cop then he'd do it this afternoon. Deal!) :o)

We're going to Auburn on Friday and then Atlanta for a class on Saturday. Say a little prayer for us because this meeting is sorta a big deal.

So I'll be MIA until Monday, but I hope that you all have wonderful weekends!!
*smooches!* :o)

UPDATE!: Eeek! Jeremy just called and a said that he's decided we're heading down to Auburn tonight! I'm super excited about it, but come one! He's knows I'm a planner & I definitely didn't plan on this!! :o)

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Hormone Monster

Well, it's that special time of month again. I haven't started TOM yet, but the PMS was in full force last night. I'm not quite sure what was up with me last night, or what triggered it exactly, but I ended up crying like a crazed marmoset last night. I was pretty good about not making untrue accusations, (like, "You think I'm ugly!" or, my personal favorite, "You left the toilet seat up because you think that my butt's too big for me to fall in! Well, I've got news for you mister - it's not and now my butts all wet!") but I did a fair bit of crying. (At one point just saying, "I just need to cry right now and I don't feel like making up a reason to justify it") Fortunately I didn't pick a fight with my long suffering husband, and he seems to deal with it much better if I don't try to make my emotional outbreaks his fault. I honestly have no idea that I'm being a hormone monster until it suddenly dawns on me, and then I feel really bad and cry about that for a little while. Then I'll get distracted by something and it's all better. I wish I wasn't like this, but I guess it's just me. At least I know that it's TOM and I'm not manic/depressive or something. (although I sorta wondered about it for a while until Jeremy pointed out that it was PMS)

I've tried switching to Yaz, but that just lead to crazy TOM's, making me think that I could be pregnant, which just lead to crazy crying jags more often. *rolls eyes* I'm sure PMS Mandy without birth control is going to be lots of fun. But it's one night every few months. I don't suppose it's the worse thing ever, and you know, it's not forever. There's always menopause. (j/k!)

My husband's really great about it. And I'm getting better about accepting the fact that it's just hormones and there's no need to torture him any more than he deserves it. (And I really want to, and he rarely deserves it)

It's kind of funny today, but it sure wasn't last night. Let's just hope my emotions hold up until Friday, because I really don't think that I'll make a good impression at our meeting if I'm saying, "You think I'm fat, don't you?" to complete strangers.

But on the up side I dont' have any cramps yet. Yay! :o)

I know it's unfair to complain to a group of woman about this sort of thing, but I figure that there's an off chance that one of you are a hormone monster during your special time of the month and you think that you're a possible manic/depressive, too. Now, after hearing my sordid tale you'll feel much better about yourself because you're not alone in the world. Maybe we need some sort of support group. Or maybe they should just start putting valium in those little "placebo" pills provided for the last week. I'd actually take them then!

Take care and have a wonderful OP day!

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

oh gosh we're getting old

The hub and I have an important meeting that we have to attend on Friday. It's in Auburn, which is about four hours away from here, and we really want to make a good impression. So we went shopping last night for new clothes to wear. My wardrobe is bone thin, and I realized yesterday that I was wearing black pants that I have stopped wearing 20 pounds ago, so of course I needed new ones. I found a really nice pair really cheap ($5.40 to be exact) so I bought them and a cute top to match. When I tried them on at home I realized that I had lumps where lumps didn't used to be. Intrigued, I looked further into the issue and realized that the tops of my thighs have shrunk while my love handles haven't. It's funny because I never remember this being a problem when I was this size before. But then again, I was still in my teens when I was this size before, and my body is now 5 years older. And now I need a girdle. :o) It really doesn't bother me at all - I'll find one that's comfortable but smooths out my lovely lady lumps. (Somehow I don't think that's what Fergie was talking about...)

Jeremy found a pair of khakis that he liked and tried them on. I, of course, had to give them the final okay before the purchase, and I said, "Something looks funny" and he said, "I'm wearing them higher up like you're supposed to" See, he's been wearing his pants low, like around his hips because that's the way he always wore his pants. (I think because his hips are smaller than his stomach...) It didn't look bad like he had a beer gut or anything. Maybe that's just how guys wear them. But now that he's dressing like a grown up he's wearing them at his waist. And it looked old. I didn't tell him that he looked old, but I definitely thought it. But who am I to tell him how to wear his pants? All I can do is make sure he doesn't get pleats or something. He'll still look nice, but man, we're getting old! I thought that I was going to freak out when he got his minister's robe. He looked like a complete stranger. It's weird to see your husband in stuff like that. That's what old man preachers wear! :o)

We've always teased that we're much older than our actual age, and now we're dressing like it! Well, not me. I may be a bonified preacher's wife, but I refuse to dress like it. (now that sounds like I run around looking like a tramp. Really I don't. I'm too much of a prude, plus I don't think anyone really wants to see cellulite. But when you start handing out the orthopedic shoes and suits in colors that would make the Easter bunny blush and hair that has to be rolled in toilet paper - count me out) (Now I've just stereotyped my own kind in a parenthetical statement - oh the shame!!) Back to the point. I may wear a girdle but that's where I draw the line.

Now, with all the things that's wrong with the world, I chose to waste your time on my underwear. I hope that it at least made you giggle.

I hope you all have wonderful OP days!

Monday, September 24, 2007

these things I can accept

I'm so sick and tired of tearing myself apart for my shortcomings. No one is perfect. No one looks perfect, no one says just the right thing all the time or is able to keep her to do list done before vegging in front of the tv.

Here's the deal: We, as women, have struggled ever since the Victorian age to be seen as human, right? We want equal rights, we want our voices heard, and we no longer try to portray this image of ourselves that is unnatural. We no longer expect ourselves to be Donna Reid - perfect dress (with a crinoline, of course) perfect apron, perfect coif, smile, nails while cleaning up after our messy noisy men. We're telling our husbands, boyfriends, fathers, sons & friends, "Look - we're real!"

So we might have convinced our guys that imperfections are what's really beautiful, but why aren't we covincing ourselves? As I look at other women, I can see the beauty in many of them. Sarah Jessica Parker, while a completely gorgeous woman with a kickin sense of style, isn't exactly your typical beauty. And yet I love her. It's not her perfections that make her beautiful to me, it's her quarky inperfections. The list could go on and on. But stops when I look into the mirror.

There are days that I look in the mirror and think, "Well, you do have a cute nose and pretty eyes...". In fact, I had one of those moments this morning. That all came crashing down when I looked at a picture of me on my sister's myspace. I didn't like my face at all. I didn't like anything about the picture - and it wasn't half bad.

So I'm tired of it. I'm tired of perpetuating this self-loathing that surrounds all woman. High self-esteem or low, we all do it. And the Buck stops here.

These are the things that I'm going to accept, nay celebrate, about myself from now on:
(if, when reading this you find it horribly narsassitic, then blah you. It is narsassistic because it's about me. It's my blog. :o) )

1. I can't take a good picture for the life of me. Because a still photograph has a hard time capturing what's pretty about me. It's not one second of my life but all my past, present, and future and all the ways that it's made me me. That's my real beauty.

2. I will forever sing constantly and annoy my husband.

3. I will never have the time, patience, or gumption to have a rock hard body. My arms may always be a little flabby. So what? Just don't wear a sleeveless shirt. Problem solved.

4. I will always love junk food. Eating healthy foods will never become my choice. I will do it because it is healthy for me and my family, and I will enjoy eating these healthy foods, but I will always enjoy junk more. I can either eat junk 24/7 and be 240 again, or I can eat healthy foods and be slimmer. I choose to walk the line and just be regular size. Not fat nor thin. The average person doesn't even label me as either one now. I'm just normal size. I'm realizing that woman I think are skinnier than me are actually my size. I was down about my weight last Friday and Jeremy said, "No one thinks anything about your size but you". And he's right. My mom has been saying stuff recently like, "Just don't go too far..." and I realize now that it's because she sees that I have an unhealthy view of myself. And it's this low body image that's making me yo-yo (even if it is just a few pounds right now) I've blogged about this before, but it didn't stick. I'm sticking it now.

5. I'm not going to keep my house perfectly clean. My cooking won't taste as good as Jeremy's momma's (because I dont' cook with lard...) and my children may not always look or act perfectly, but I'm already a dang good wife and I will be a great mother. Because I love my husband and I already love my children enough to keep trying until I get it right. My family doesn't need perfection from me - they just need the best me they can get. And if I'm constantly thrashing myself for not always getting it right then they can't get the best of me. Besides, if I don't let my family see my faults then they might grow up expecting the same perfection from themselves and then they'll have the same mental trauma that I have. :o)

So I'm going to start loving myself more and expecting less. I'm going to lose down to 175 because that's what I've decided was a good weight for me, but I'm going to buy whatever size 175 is. If it's a 40W then I'm going to buy it. Because I know that I look pretty good at this weight, and if I keep trying to achieve perfection then it's never gonna happen. I'm going to keep active, exercise moderately, and take some of the time I spend in front of the mirror hating what I see and spend that time learning something that I want to know. I bet I could learn to knit in the time I spend putting myself down. Wouldn't it be a lot cooler to be able to make my own scarves than it would be to keep being my own worse critic?

Friday, September 21, 2007

Mandy-Core :o)

Amanda said that I could do Mandy-Core, so I'm gonna. (Cause she's the boss of me)

Mandy-Core looks a lot like WW Core, only I'm not such a stickler for the snack rules. It's more like common sense dieting. Eat healthy foods, don't over do it on any one thing, and eat until satisfied, but not stuffed. We'll try it and see. And I'll still get in my daily good health stuff.

Other than that nothing too exciting going on here. The scale is down to 186.6 this morning and I can handle that. Only a couple more pounds and I'll be back down to my lowest.

The hub has volunteered to go shopping this weekend, and you know I'm all about that. And this Sunday is the first day of fall! Yay! I'm so excited about the cooler but not freezing cold weather! I have this really cute corduroy blazer that I just bought and I can't wait to get to wear it! :o)

I hope you all have wonderfully OP weekends!!
See you Monday!

Thursday, September 20, 2007

groove is in the move

My title has absolutely nothing to do with anything. Except for the fact that I stayed Core all of yesterday. Even when I got home from work and the hub was eating junk. Go me! *doing cabbage patch* It feels sooo good to have a good day. Now I know that I'll have a good day today, too, because I want to keep it going.

The scale was nice this morning, too. Down 188. That's about 3 down from the vacay, so I'm sure a bunch of it's water weight. Hopefully all of it's water weight and I can get back to the low 180's soon. (Then 170's here I come!) It just seems do-able today. Ever since I figured out 25 pounds would equal 165 I've been highly motivated. It's weird the mind games we play with ourselves, but whatever works, right?

I just finished up my yumo breakfast of apple cinnamon oatmeal, 2 slices of turkey bacon, and a cup of green tea. I'll have to eat out for lunch today, which is really hard on Core, but I can get away with a baked potato and a protein from somewhere. I'll actually cook supper tonight so I'll have leftovers for lunch tomorrow. That's the hardest part about Core - lunch. But I'll get it down pat soon. And I'm sure the hub will like me cooking more.

Bless his heart. I noticed that his pants were a little too tight the other night and he said that they're shrinking. I think the way he's been eating lately has a lot to do with that, but when I hinted at it he got a little defensive. I don't care if he looses weight, but I'd like for him to at least maintain so we don't have to keep buying new clothes. Besides, that's just not healthy. So maybe Core will help him loose, too. He rebels when I'm on Core, though, because I never buy any junk food (even low point junk usually doesn't get bought) and then he starts going through the DT's. :o)

I did break a Core rule yesterday. I ate a grilled chicken finger as a snack. With pineapples dumped on top of it. It was soo yum, and I really couldn't see that it was going to hurt me as long as I don't make it a habit. And I have a question for you Core peeps: Do ya'll know if FF Kettle Corn is Core? I really think that it's technically not, but I'm gonna eat it anyways. It has basically the same NI as plain FF popcorn, so who cares? Besides, that and fruit are the only sweet things I eat while rocking Core.

Okay, this is getting waay longer than I had intended, so I'm gonna just shut up now. :o)

I hope you all have wonderfully OP days!!

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

note to self

Dear Mandy,

What's the deal, girl? You have a million different excuses for not getting back OP, and, quite frankly I'm sick of them. No matter who or what you may want to blame it on, it's really just you. You're in control of your life and you're choosing not to do what you know you need to do. Get back in the game! You've come waay too far to stop now. Besides, if you lose 25 more pounds you'll be smack dab in the 160's. How awesome will that feel?

You've agreed to join Randi's Christmas Challenge, and you're not going to waif out on this one. (Do I need to remind you of the CP25K debacle? No? I didn't think so.) You've gotta somehow conquer this addiction to food, home girl. And you really need to move more. No wonder you're feeling flabby. *rolls eyes* Use the good sense that God has given you! Sheesh!

You need to love yourself more than the way that you've been treating yourself. You're not a human garbage disposal, and there's much more to life than food! Don't forget that it's much easier for healthy weight women to conceive than it is for over weight woman.

You know what works, so why aren't you doing it? Oh, again with the excuses, eh? Well, no more of those. I don't care if it's a month before you manage to go grocery shopping - you're still going to stay OP. And really, last night? You so could have gone. You just didn't want to because of that whole Barnhill's Buffet thing. (Oh, you didn't want me to tell everyone? Ooops, I'm sorry!) So get your act together!

Now, real quick before they all start to think you're totally schizophrenic - I love you. I only say this because I know it's the best thing for you. I hope I wasn't too hard on you, but I'm really excited to see the scale move in the right direction. Because I know you're gonna get over this hump, stop kicking your own ass, and start kicking ass for real, like right now.


Tuesday, September 18, 2007

about 75% angel

I behaved myself much better yesterday. I wasn't a perfect angel, and I accidentally drank some sweet tea at my Gran's house (seriously, I didn't think anything about it until it was too late) but it was definitely an improvement from the food free for all that was the last two weeks. The scale was down a little bitty bit this morning so that was nice. Maybe a lot of this is water weight. All I know is that I'm all ramped up to get started for real. I haven't felt pumped up about WW in a while, so I guess I made the right decision to take a break. I guess I needed it - but I proally went a little too far. :o)

I didn't make it to the grocery store yesterday but I'm bound and determined to go today. Everyone else is at a seminar out of town today so I'll have plenty of time today at work to find all of my favorite Core recipes and maybe a few new ones. I'm really bad about not cooking, but Core really makes me get my life more organized. (Because apparently my life still is centered around food...) It's really how I want my family to eat so maybe since starting a family is actually becoming feasible then I'll be more dedicated.

All I know is that I've had baby fever forever now and it's crazy to think that we could be trying soon. (This is all wrapped up in that big secret that I can't share yet...) I know that you're not supposed to do WW while pregnant, but I think that Core would be a good guideline to help me not gain too much. I'm hypoglycemic, and the women in my family have a history of gestational diabetes. That, coupled with the fact that I was over nine pounds and Jeremy was nearly 10, makes me hyper aware of keeping everything in check. :o)

Okay, sorry. Enough about talking about stuff that's not even happening yet. :o) I'm just soo excited. :o)

Alright. That's enough for me. I wanna hear what's up with ya'll now.

I hope everyone has a great OP day!!

Monday, September 17, 2007

playing catch up

Hello Ladies!!

I'm back! The beach was great. We had so much fun. Lots of beach time, lots of seafood and fries, and lots of family time. I think it's the best vacation I've been on for years. And we were gone just long enough for me to be ready to come back home. Perfecto all around.

I hopped on the scale this morning and it was bad. Real bad ugly. 191 point something. That's a huge gain from just before the wedding, and I knew it was going to be scary.

But I told myself that I was taking a break, and this icky feeling that I have right now (clothes too tight, being able to see the gain in my face, etc) is definitely enough incentive to get back on track. I think that I'm going to go Core for a while, and then switch back to counting points when I start feeling burned out. I'd really like to lose about 20 pounds and then see how I feel there. I'm still not going for stick skinny - I just don't like feeling this fluffy. (actually right now I feel down right fat - but after a few days I'll feel better I'm sure)

One of my reasons for not wanting to have a real low goal weight is the fact that we might (Lord willing) be able to start trying to have a baby soon. Like maybe hopefully possibly before the year is over. And since I don't know how hard it will be to lose the baby weight I won't set my goals too high. But I definitely want to adopt a healthier lifestyle that includes exercise. And I'm tired of my bat wings! They must go!! :o)

I've spent some time trying to catch up with all of you this morning, and I'm so excited about all the good things that are happening in your lives!! I'm uber excited about our girl StrawGirl expecting another baby! Yay! I'm so happy for you!! Congratulations again! (again!) :o) Your meez is too precious, and I love the pix of your DS's T-Shirt! What a cute way to break the good news!!

So that's about it for me. I really need to go grocery shopping, but since today is Corporate Tax Extension Deadline who knows if I'm going to be able to go tonight. If not then I'll just limp my way through Core until Tuesday. I might have to break a few little rules today, but I'm going to start kickin ask for real tomorrow. :o)

I hope you all have wonderfully OP days!!

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

oh joy!

Yay! We're leaving for vacay tomorrow and I'm so excited!!

I've been running around crazy trying to get everything done, but I wanted to stop in and say Hi and to let you know that I'm still alive. :o)

I'm loving the break from WW - but I bet I'll have a lot of work to do when I get back. Oh well, I'm not gonna let that stop me from having a good time. :o)

So I hope everyone has wonderfully super weeks & I'll see you on Monday!


Friday, September 7, 2007

weightwatchen confessional

Morning Ladies!

I know I've been MIA the past few days, but work has been crazy and I've been bad. Not horrible, but definitely not OP. I've decided to "take a break" until after the vacay and then hit it hard Core. I'm sure some of you don't love this idea, but I just don't have the gumption to get back OP and then face going to the beach with the family and screwing it all up again. So I'll wait and then really focus in on losing this last 10 or 15 pounds. I just don't want to get complacent with myself before I hit my goal. You know?

The hub is out of town again, but he'll be back today. We'll take it easy on Saturday because Sunday is jammed packed with church stuff and a baby shower. (yay! I love baby showers!!) Then next Wednesday we're leaving for the beach. Yay! My bathing suit is a size too big, but I don't care. It's just family, and since I don't like to swim in the ocean and the house we've rented doesn't have a pool I doubt if I'll be doing any actual swimming. At least this way it'll be comfy, right? :o)

I don't have much to say (shocker, I know) so I guess that's about it for today.

I hope everyone has wonderful weekends!!

Tuesday, September 4, 2007

*insert witty title here*

I had a wonderfully fabulously long weekend. And I totally didn't want to come back to work! :o)

The wedding was beautiful. I didn't look too much like Ronald McDonald and I managed not to trip in my dangerously high canary yellow heels. I think that my little brother is a very lucky guy. My new SIL is an incredibly precious girl. I'm incredibly happy for them. And incredibly happy that it's all over now! :o) I'm totally not a girly girl - despite the fact that I love to shop and pink is my absolute favorite color!

Pictures will come soon, I hope. I only managed to take one during all the craziness, but my little sister took a bajillion. All of them are of her, of course, but I'm in a few. *rolls eyes* I'll steal one from her MySpace and post it here.

I took a couple of other encouragement pictures while I had my camera out (but not in wedding garb) and I'll try to post one of those, too.

The rest of the weekend was great. We watched a ton of movies, ate waay too much junk, and just enjoyed each other. It's nice to have down time with the hub. It's pretty rare that we have a day totally off with nothing that we have to accomplish whatsoever. Very nice.

If you caught the way too much junk remark then you already know that I wasn't exactly OP this weekend, but I wasn't horrible and I'm just going to go on from here. I'm thinking about trying Wendie again. It makes sense to me, but last time I tried it I wasn't disciplined enough. We'll see.

Here's the goals that I'm working towards this week:

1. No WP's during the week!
2. At least 12 8 oz servings of water.
3. Several mini meals throughout the day.
4. Limit coke intake.
5. At least 2 servings of dairy a day.
6. At least 5 servings of fruits/veggies a day.
7. Some sort of activity daily.
8. *A New One* Getting to bed at a decent hour each night.

I like having these mini goals because it really makes me feel like I've accomplished something.

Tomorrow it will be a week until our family trip to the beach. I'm soo excited about going to the beach and it'll be really nice to have a long vacay! (this said right after a long weekend, I know...) :o)

I hope you all have wonderfully OP days!!

PS: We're 18 days until the first day of fall! I can't wait!!! :o)