Wednesday, December 12, 2007

things I will not discuss with a parishioner (ever again)

  1. When telling said parishioner that I saw him driving down Main Street, I will not suggest that I was stalking him. This will completely prevent the statement, "Good! I love it when hot little things stalk me!" and thus preventing the lobster like flush that followed.
  2. I will never in any circumstance whatsoever allude to, suggest, hint, or in other way allow the idea that my husband (his pastor) and I are trying to conceive, avoiding the wise advice to "stand on my head".
  3. Once saying that standing on my head was not a viable option for me, I will not delve that I had 13 casts before 6th grade, making me the biggest freak of nature ever to become a preacher's wife.
  4. I will not suggest that said member talks way too much and that I really pray for his wife. Then I will not try to smooth things over by saying that I too talk way too much and that he should be praying for my husband.
  5. When it is said that I am favored over dear sweet Jeremy I will not agree whole heartedly and then try to console them by saying that I thought it was the general consensus of the congregation, but as I can not be the preacher's wife without the preacher suggest that we keep him.
  6. And as I will never have such a conversation again, I will not enjoy it to its fullest extent. I will not allow myself to be goaded into saying more and more outrageous things only to hear the side splitting laughter on the other side. And I will not be forced to think about said conversation over and over, cringing at the inappropriateness of it all, knowing that I will surely be teased by all the private information released.

Oh well. At least we'll be moving four hours away in a few weeks! :o)

7 comments:

Ro said...

Hey!!
I needed that chuckle...
He pulled you in and you sang like a bird..loves it!
Have a great day and week.

Amanda said...

Sounds like an interesting night!!! That was a good laugh. :)

Randi said...

That's awesome. I can't believe you were getting advice to stand on your head. Very funny.

Oh go on, you've got 4 weeks left, see if you can top those!

MMalloy said...

Very entertaining...isn't it funny how bad conversations always seem to get worse!

Diet Coke and Zingers said...

THAT is exactly why we love you! So glad you're blogging again!

Caroline said...

Hi there! I linked to your site from another one (not sure which one now). I just started a WW journey blog and am starting to find this blogging world. So I just wanted to say hello and I loved your post. I have a good friend who married a pastor and she tells similar stories of how to be a pastor's wife. I love it!

Candace said...

Bwaahaahaahaahaaaaaha! Too much. Poor Jeremy - I WILL pray for the little man.