If you look back at my high school pictures, you would probably think that I was a skinny girl back then. I look curvy and happy. But I never ever was happy with my size. My best friend from High School and I was talking about this the other day. We thought that we were fat, but we were such a cute size! Why couldn’t we appreciate ourselves?
My smallest size back then was a 9 - my largest was probably a 15. In four years time I yo-yo’ed back and forth. This up and down isn’t healthy for anyone, let alone a teenaged girl with a low self-esteem. I never could maintain what I had lost because I never felt that I was finished losing weight. I was never happy with myself.
This yo-yo cycle has continued into my adulthood. I will loose weight just to gain it back because I feel like I’m so far away from my goal that I just quit.
Today as I was looking in the mirror before I got dressed I thought to myself, “You know, you’re looking pretty good”. I could easily point out areas that needed work, and I would by no means like to show you just how “good” I look naked (not that you would want to see…) but I realized for the first time in a long time I am becoming happy with myself. And what’s more for the first time, ever, I love my curves. I love my shape. I love that I look like a WOMAN. (hear me roar!) I am by no means a Marilyn Monroe (36-24-35 or something like that) but I am happy with the body that God has given me.
With all that being said, and with the effort to not yo-yo anymore in mind, I have decided that my new goal is to be a size 12, no matter what I weigh. This is probably WW heresy, and I probably won’t make lifetime, but I don’t really give a flip. I don’t want anyone else to be able to tell me when to me content with my body, and as long as I continue to eat healthy foods and exercise I will be at a healthy size then. I would much rather love my curvy body than try to lose too much and not be able to keep it up. My dad and my Kelley both have had a hard time maintaining the weight they lost, but I think they look great now. They looked too skinny when they hit lifetime. :o)
So there it is. I hope ya’ll don’t think I’m chickening out, but this decision feels right for me.
As a totally TMI side note, I believe I have figured out why I’ve maintained for the past two weeks. The first week I was on TOM, and I have just started TOM again. Unfair!! But it makes sense that I wouldn’t lose during this crazy hormonal time. There seems to be a lot of us going through this. You know how they say that women who spend a lot time together sync up? I wonder if that works with cyber relationships too? lol
Have a great OP day! :o)
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1 comment:
I know this is an old post but I am just reading it for the first time so just go back a few weeks with me.
I think the size plan is a much better plan than a certain weight. I know you hate exercising but really, if you gain some muscle you'll be heavier, but smaller! Isn't that we all want anyway, to be smaller, not necessarily lighter?
And as to the vanity thing. Sorta bad yes, but I don't think it's a bad thing to try and look our best. Don't beat yourself up about it, it's just a matter of degrees right? You still do your hair and wear flattering clothes but that's not too vain right?
I really love your blog by the way, you and I ARE going through a lot of the same things! (same age, same weird TOM thing, married no kids, thought we were fat in HS but now are aiming for that standard again! weird!)
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